Stair Diving

Stair Diving: An Intellectual Inquiry

You may be asking yourself what the point is there to diving or falling intentionally down a flight of stairs. The simple answer is that there is no point, that one throws themselves down a flight of stairs simply to entertain others. A good laugh from a crowd can be an exhilarating moment. The longer answer is that there are some deep philosophical reasons behind this seemingly pointless act of madness. Nothing illustrates better the Zen principles of cause and effect than a controlled plunge down a staircase. One's clarity of mind while in motion is almost soothing, completely transfixed on the moment. Afterwards, the pain reminds one of their humanity and the how ethereal our bodies truly are.This phenomenon also raises questions from an ornithological position as well. What is it in human nature that compels us to risk our physical well being for only a temporary solace from the fire of human despair? Where does the desire to entertain others come from? Why is it that people see some obstacle or force of nature and feel some need to overcome and control it? Although I have no answers to these questions I know there is something to be said for looking up from the bottom of long flight of steps and know that you are stronger because of it.

Basic Principles 1: Stair Composition
Before you fling yourself down a random flight of stairs you must learn the different styles of stairs that exist. Not only do they vary on the number of steps but also in what the surface of the stairs is. The four most common material types (listed in order from softest to hardest) are carpet, wood, cement, and marble. I suggest that you start with a short carpeted set, and gradually increase the difficulty level. There is also the variable of the angle of the stairs. Most modern buildings have nice shallow angles; however, older buildings may have very steep angles that can alter the difficulty level dramatically.

Basic Principles 2: Falling Techniques
There are two basic styles of falls, the dive and the roll. The dive is simpler and causes less pain, but the roll is unparalleled for giving the illusion of serious injury. The dive is simply what the name implies, a headfirst slide to the bottom of the stairs. While the roll can be either head over heals or side over side. I must stress that at all time you must protect your head and neck. These two areas are most the vital and exposed during your fall. You must also watch out for objects that may cause impalement, (a small protruding nail head could land you in a hospital rather than the halls of fame and honor). It is also possible to combine these on longer sets, example: start with a dive, transfer to a roll, and slide the rest of the way. Once you're at the bottom and have realized you're ok stand up and raise your arms in triumph, but remember that all glory is fleeting.

Hints and Suggestions
I would discourage the inexperienced from taking their first dive while heavily intoxicated. A small amount of liquor could help slow the fear factory in your head and numb the after pain, but it will also slow your reflexes and reaction time which could be potentially dangerous. At parties the less people who know you're about to fall down the stairs the better.

Tutorial:
1. Begin your dive at about the third stair. Notice the hand placement to protect the head and neck.
2. Quickly start into a roll, but continue sliding down on your back.
3. Once you're about three-quarters through with the roll, start preparing for a feet first slide.
4. After you begin sliding feet first it's a good idea to start preparing for your landing.
5. If needed reach up and grab the handrail to slow down and regain some control of your momentum. Although this may seem like "chickening out" it actually adds to the realism (who wouldn't reach up and grab the railing if they were actually falling).
6. Once you've stopped, check yourself for injuries and call for an ambulance if needed. Feeling the post tumble pain.